The 911 meeting through the eyes of a child
Tuesday’s meeting between officials from Berea, Richmond, Madison County, and the 911 Public Safety Board, as viewed through the eyes of a child.
Berea Police Chief Dwayne Brumley: “This is a very serious meeting, for very serious people, and you’d better take it seriously because there are men with guns sitting around this table.”
Berea Mayor Steve Connelly: “Let’s get down to the business of you Richmond people giving us what we want.”
Judge Executive Kent Clark: “If we don’t agree on anything else today, I think we can at least all agree that I look fabulous in this suit.”
Commissioner Robert Blythe: “There seems to be an attempt to put pressure on us Richmond officials – to have us actually make a decision.”
Commissioner Mike Brewer: “Yeah, and why does Steve have to use that smart-alecky tone, as if we’ve already been talking about this for months and have gotten nowhere?”
Richmond Mayor Connie Lawson: “Now boys, don’t fight.
Steve, please tell Mike you’re sorry so we can get on with the meeting.”
Connelly: “He started it!”
Brewer: “Did not!”
Connelly: “Did too.”
Brewer: “Did not!”
Sheriff Nelson O’Donnell: “Can we get this discussion thing going? Not that I mind seeing you folks, but there might be some important things I need to take care of, like catching crooks and that kind of stuff.”
Judge Clark: “…fifty bucks for this haircut, too. Not including shampoo and blow dry!”
Mayor Lawson: “Okay, okay, Kent. We all think your hair looks great.”
Judge Clark: “Damned straight it looks great!”
Commissioner Blythe: “Again, I’m getting the sense here that there’s pressure coming from both Berea and the county for us to agree on the relative stylishness of Judge Clark’s hair.”
Mayor Connelly: “Are you Richmond people blind or something? It’s perfect! You could set off a grenade in this place and he still wouldn’t have a single hair out of place.”
Commissioner Kay Cosby Jones: “Let’s get some input here from our police chief, Larry Brock. Larry, feel free to be absolutely candid about your opinion of 911 joint dispatch, bearing in mind, of course, that this meeting is televised and that if you embarrass us, we can turn your life into a living hell and cut the police operating budget to smithereens.”
Richmond Police Chief Larry Brock: “Can I not be dragged into this political stench fest? I’m just here to run the police department.”
Commissioner Brewer: “There. You see? He said it’s a bad idea.”
Mayor Connelly: “The hell he did!”
Mayor Lawson. “Okay, boys. That’s enough. Can we get back to the subject?”
Commissioner Jones: “There are two things we need to keep in mind here. Our first priority is the safety of the people of Richmond. The second is that we dearly care for and respect our loyal dispatch employees.”
Dispatch employee in the audience: “Right on, Kay!”
Commissioner Jones: “Silence, serf!”
Mayor Connelly: “Let’s cut to the chase. If you want to join Berea and Madison County in joint dispatch, we’ll be glad to welcome representatives of your choosing to the 911 Public Safety Board. Or, if you prefer your current, appallingly inefficient and irresponsible mode of operation, you can do that, too. Whatever you choose, just know that we’re not judging you.”
Commissioner Blythe: “Assuming that we want to meet with the 911 board, we’ll have a few prerequisites.”
Mayor Connelly: “Of course. We’d be happy to accommodate you.”
Commissioner Blythe: “What shape will the meeting table be?”
Mayor Connelly: “The table? Rectangular, I assume. Will that be suitable?”
Commissioner Blythe: “We’ll be requiring a boomerang-shaped table, with comfy seats. A liter of freshly squeezed papaya juice. And a generous assortment of pleasing snacks.
Mayor Connelly: “Well, okay.”
Commissioner Blythe: “…and a troupe of acrobats to amuse us at the meeting’s intermission.”
Mayor Connelly: “What?! What difference does it make….”
Mayor Lawson. “Okay, boys. That’s enough.”
Berea Police Chief Dwayne Brumley: “This is a very serious meeting, for very serious people, and you’d better take it seriously because there are men with guns sitting around this table.”
Berea Mayor Steve Connelly: “Let’s get down to the business of you Richmond people giving us what we want.”
Judge Executive Kent Clark: “If we don’t agree on anything else today, I think we can at least all agree that I look fabulous in this suit.”
Commissioner Robert Blythe: “There seems to be an attempt to put pressure on us Richmond officials – to have us actually make a decision.”
Commissioner Mike Brewer: “Yeah, and why does Steve have to use that smart-alecky tone, as if we’ve already been talking about this for months and have gotten nowhere?”
Richmond Mayor Connie Lawson: “Now boys, don’t fight.
Steve, please tell Mike you’re sorry so we can get on with the meeting.”
Connelly: “He started it!”
Brewer: “Did not!”
Connelly: “Did too.”
Brewer: “Did not!”
Sheriff Nelson O’Donnell: “Can we get this discussion thing going? Not that I mind seeing you folks, but there might be some important things I need to take care of, like catching crooks and that kind of stuff.”
Judge Clark: “…fifty bucks for this haircut, too. Not including shampoo and blow dry!”
Mayor Lawson: “Okay, okay, Kent. We all think your hair looks great.”
Judge Clark: “Damned straight it looks great!”
Commissioner Blythe: “Again, I’m getting the sense here that there’s pressure coming from both Berea and the county for us to agree on the relative stylishness of Judge Clark’s hair.”
Mayor Connelly: “Are you Richmond people blind or something? It’s perfect! You could set off a grenade in this place and he still wouldn’t have a single hair out of place.”
Commissioner Kay Cosby Jones: “Let’s get some input here from our police chief, Larry Brock. Larry, feel free to be absolutely candid about your opinion of 911 joint dispatch, bearing in mind, of course, that this meeting is televised and that if you embarrass us, we can turn your life into a living hell and cut the police operating budget to smithereens.”
Richmond Police Chief Larry Brock: “Can I not be dragged into this political stench fest? I’m just here to run the police department.”
Commissioner Brewer: “There. You see? He said it’s a bad idea.”
Mayor Connelly: “The hell he did!”
Mayor Lawson. “Okay, boys. That’s enough. Can we get back to the subject?”
Commissioner Jones: “There are two things we need to keep in mind here. Our first priority is the safety of the people of Richmond. The second is that we dearly care for and respect our loyal dispatch employees.”
Dispatch employee in the audience: “Right on, Kay!”
Commissioner Jones: “Silence, serf!”
Mayor Connelly: “Let’s cut to the chase. If you want to join Berea and Madison County in joint dispatch, we’ll be glad to welcome representatives of your choosing to the 911 Public Safety Board. Or, if you prefer your current, appallingly inefficient and irresponsible mode of operation, you can do that, too. Whatever you choose, just know that we’re not judging you.”
Commissioner Blythe: “Assuming that we want to meet with the 911 board, we’ll have a few prerequisites.”
Mayor Connelly: “Of course. We’d be happy to accommodate you.”
Commissioner Blythe: “What shape will the meeting table be?”
Mayor Connelly: “The table? Rectangular, I assume. Will that be suitable?”
Commissioner Blythe: “We’ll be requiring a boomerang-shaped table, with comfy seats. A liter of freshly squeezed papaya juice. And a generous assortment of pleasing snacks.
Mayor Connelly: “Well, okay.”
Commissioner Blythe: “…and a troupe of acrobats to amuse us at the meeting’s intermission.”
Mayor Connelly: “What?! What difference does it make….”
Mayor Lawson. “Okay, boys. That’s enough.”