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McNotes: Madison County Airport Board & Must-See TV

02.24.11 04:21 PM – Andy McDonald
Last week in Madison County Circuit Court, attorney Jimmy Dale Williams filed a protection order against Judge Executive Kent Clark. The motion was submitted on behalf of Williams' client, airport board chairman Eddie Pullins.

As it was reported in the paper, court documents allege Clark’s behavior caused a scene that was reminiscent of a popular old television show when Clark recently attended an airport board meeting accompanied by two sheriff’s deputies.

Lorie Love Hailey of the Richmond Register reported the motion stated the following:

“Much like Boss Hogg of ‘The Dukes of Hazzard’ fame, it is the best information and belief of the plaintiff that the defendant requested the Madison County Sheriff to act as his emissary somewhat like Sheriff Rosco P. Cotrane in ‘The Dukes of Hazzard’…by dispatching his two deputies… just like Enos Strate and Cletus Hogg …to attend the meeting of the airport board.”

A hearing on the motion before Judge Jean Chenault Logue was scheduled for this week. With apologies to the entire Madison County legal community, I imagine it will go something like this:

Judge Jean Chenault Logue: Okay, gentlemen. Make your case.

Attorney Jimmy Dale Williams: Judge, I think the court would agree that my client at least deserved a reasonable explanation regarding why he was terminated as airport board chair.

Judge Logue: I’ve been wondering that myself. Mr. Eaves, care to explain?

Attorney Michael Eaves: Our records show that Judge Clark gave a very logical and sound reason for dismissing Mr. Pullins.

Judge Logue: Which was?

Eaves shuffles through several papers on his table, then pulls out a document.

Eaves: Judge Clark terminated Mr. Pullins because, and I quote, “He was acting silly down there.” End quote.

Williams: I knew it! Power has obviously gone to the defendant’s head, not unlike an incident in an episode of “The Brady Bunch” in which Greg, overestimating his own musical talents, tried to reinvent himself as the pop star Johnny Bravo.

Eaves: Nonsense! Mr. Pullins was akin to Lucy Ricardo working at the candy factory, letting the critical business decisions of the airport board whisk past his attention like so many chocolate bon bons on an out-of-control conveyor belt!

Judge Logue: Can we dispense with the TV references?

Williams: Counsel must think he's on “Lie to Me.”

Eaves: At least I’m not “The Biggest Loser!”

Williams: Another remark like that, Mr. Eaves, and I’ll put you on the “Highway to Heaven.”

Judge Logue: I’m warning you both: I will hold you in contempt!

Eaves: He started it when he mentioned Judge Clark’s administration in the same breath as “The Dukes of Hazzard.” It was inappropriate.

Williams: Mr. Eaves is right about that, your honor. When most people think of this administration, they probably think of “Criminal Minds.”

Eaves: Oh really? Well I think opposing counsel is behaving in a manner much like Earnest T. Bass on “The Andy Griffith Show,” especially when Earnest T. hollered and wantonly smashed windows til he compelled Andy and Barney to submit to his absurd requests.”

Williams: Oh yeah? Well Judge Clark is trying to foist his capricious and arbitrary personnel decisions upon an unsuspecting public, not unlike Aunt Bea who insisted on subjecting Andy, Barney and Opie to her foul and repugnant homemade pickles!

Judge Logue: Stop it, both of you, or you’ll be in “Jeopardy!”

Williams: Your honor, my client has suffered embarrassment and humiliation as a result of this incident, much like that suffered by George Costanza on “Seinfeld”, when a female saw him naked after he had suffered significant “shrinkage” from swimming in a cold pool.

Eaves: Judge, counsel is obviously on “Fantasy Island.” Mr. Clark has the right to appoint or dismiss anyone he chooses. Regarding the reason Mr. Pullins was dismissed, as Joey Tribbiani on "Friends" would say, "It's a moo point. It's like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter."

Williams: Public officials can’t make arbitrary and illogical decisions like a bunch of “Mad Men.” “Who Do You Think You Are?”

Eaves rolls his eyes: “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?”

Williams: “Jackass!”

Judge Logue: That does it! Bailiff, place Mr. Williams and Mr. Eaves under arrest for contempt. I warned you both, now you’re going to jail. Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do when they come for you?

Williams: We’ll be out in no time, Mike. In the meantime, we can relax in our cell and enjoy reruns of the most popular TV show at the Madison County Detention Center.

Eaves: What’s that?

Williams: “Prison Break.”
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